I haven’t been posting much recently, have I? And that last post was worrying, to say the least.
Yeah, so I’ve been going through a tough time recently and it has made it incredibly hard to find the strength to sit down and write a post. I know not great, but I am seeing a psychologist at the moments and my October exams are over which should help things considerably.
I managed to get through most of my exams quite well so far, my scores ranging from 80% – 100%, most in the 90%s. But that’s considering that I still have to get two test results and that I asked not to do the English one because of my mental problems (let’s just call it depression, I’ve not been diagnosed with anything yet but I’m sure it’s something to do with depression).
I’ve been struggling for nearly, actually, over a year now. I first tried to seek help by bringing up with a nurse at the diabetic clinic in November 2012 (yep, that long ago), she waved it off, blaming it on hormones. I then tried my GP in March, who told me to take some paracetamol and go to bed earlier. I begged my parents to do something but seeing as the GP wasn’t willing to do anything, they thought nothing more could be done. It was in May that I brought it up with the diabetes specialist doctor at the diabetic clinic, she finally had the sense to refer me to a psychologist.
It took 4 months before I saw a psychologist at the start of September, she referred me to the Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service. In those 4 months I really got a lot worse, to the point were I’ve been cutting myself and suicidal.
The problem is with today’s society is that we don’t take mental health seriously enough. You get told about eating fruit and veg and exercising, but mental health is never mentioned. As you can see, it was 11 months ago when I first sought help, I’m only starting to receive it now.
Some sick person will probably make a joke out of this,
make fun of abuse me because I get suicidal thoughts sometimes. You never, ever understand depression etc. until you’ve had it. A few weeks ago, one of my teachers starting talking about people who committed suicide/ had suicidal thoughts, she finished that talk with the words something along the lines of “normal people like us don’t do that”. I lost all my respect for that teacher in an instant. I was close to tears, it was like rubbing salt in my wounds, the ones caused by self-harm. I know that she doesn’t know what I’m going through but she could’ve been a lot more sensitive, especially with such high suicide rates in my area.
So I will finish my post like this: when you get depression, it lasts for a long time and it’s a slow recovery – it is not a case of ’needing to pull yourself together’. Take mental health seriously. If you see someone who’s upset, help them. If someone walks past you, smile at them – don’t leave bitterness in someone else’s cup. Above all, if you think you have depression – see a doctor. Tell them you have depression. Be firm. Tell them you need help.