My Current Mental Heath

For a long while, this blog was where I came when I needed to rant and rave about my depression. I wouldn’t say that I’m depression free – it’s always lurking – but I feel a lot more in control and I may be taken off fluoxetine at the start of July. There are good days and bad days, but overall I’m a lot happier compared to when suicide seemed to be the only answer and self harm my only relief.

I feel that removing certain people from my life has helped me a lot. When I come into contact with those people, their poisonous influence can decrease my stability. Being away from certain teachers has helped me too, and when I move to a different school to complete my A Levels, a weight will be taken off my shoulders.

Some days I wonder if I still want Being Weirdly Awesome, I now post on average every one to two weeks and my stats are declining. Maybe the world only wants to hear about people’s pain and not their happiness.

Lucy.

Presented By a Cousin of Mine (what a great extended family I have!)

LucyBre:

So true, so unbelievably true

Originally posted on Raising 5 Kids With Disabilities and Remaining Sane Blog:

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SONG OF THE WEEK Years & Years King Video and Lyrics

When I saw the predictions for Years & Years having a hit song, I said to myself “I’ll never hear of them again”. Thankfully I was wrong, here is King from Years and Years:

Lyrics:
 
I caught you watching me under the light
Can I realign?
They say it’s easy to leave you behind
I don’t want to try

Co-cover, take that test
Hold coverage to your chest
Don’t want to wait for you
Don’t want to have to lose
All that I compromised to feel another high
I’ve got to keep it down tonight

And oh, I was a king under your control
And oh, I want to feel like you’ve let me go
So let me go

Don’t you remember how I used to like being on the line
I dreamed you dreamed of me, calling out my name
Is it worth the price?

Co-cover, take that test
Hold coverage to your chest
Don’t want to wait for you
Don’t want to have to lose
All that I compromised to feel another high
I’ve got to keep you down tonight

And oh, I was a king under your control
And oh, I want to feel like you’ve let me go

I had to break myself to carry on
No longer, no admission
Take this from me tonight
Oh let’s fight, oh let’s fight
Oh let’s fight, oh

And oh, I was a king under your control
And oh, I want to feel like you’ve let me go
So let me go

Let go, let go, let go of everything
Let go, let go, let go of everything
Let go, let go, let go of everything
Let go, let go, let go of everything

Ear Piercing Number Two?

I got my ears pierced for the first time in December, I bypassed the standard lobe piercing and got my upper lobe pierced.

The piercing itself didn’t hurt, but then both ears got infected and the earrings were impossible to remove from my already painful ears. It soured my experience a bit, but I feel like those mistakes won’t be repeated.

So, is it time for piercing number two? In my last post I claimed I wanted an anti-tragus piercing, but now I’m not so sure. You see, my school only allows us to have one piercing that must be in the ear lobe. If you don’t remove any other piercings, you get a detention and if it still isn’t gone; suspended. Eyebrows were raised at my upper lobe piercing, but nothing was said considering it is still technically allowed.

I might still get a helix and an anti-tragus piercing, but I won’t decide until the summer or at least until my right ear heals. The left ear is fine, the right ear got infected again which has slowed the healing process.
Although, many fake helix earring are available these days which are quite cute and don’t require a piercing. E.g: It’s a big decision to get a piercing, and I’m not ready to make it now.
Lucy.

Rolling With The Punches

Something I wanted so badly, has just destroyed something that I love so much. I’m confused, numb and guilty. My friends need me, but I’m leaving them to go gallivanting around Madrid while they do grade 6 trinity award. I should be in their group, I should be acting alongside them. But now a new girl called Ellie has taken my place. I know it’s not her fault, but I resent her. She has taken my character, the one that I created.

What a mess

SONG OF THE WEEK Maraaya Here For You Video & Lyrics

Eurovision fever, commence!

With the amazing air violinist, headphones and gorgeous vocals; Slovenia’s act for Eurovision 2015 has clear potential. Maraaya’s soulful sound along with the modern beat makes Here For You a fabulous song. If Molly Stirling doesn’t make it through to the finals for Ireland, I shall be cheering on Maraaya on the 23rd of May.

Lyrics:
When you’re down, down low
And there’s no place you can go
When you’re down, down, love
You know that I am here for you

You came into my life when I was broken
You heated up my heart when it was frozen
And we got the flow, now it’s up we go

And now that it’s your turn you wanna hide it
A million times already you’ve denied it
You don’t have to fear, you don’t have to fight

When you’re down, down low
Sinking in the undertow
When you’re down, down low
You know that I am here for you

‘Cause I know, know baby
All the hurt you never show
When you’re down, down low
You gotta let me heal your aching soul

You came into my life when I was broken
You heated up my heart when it was frozen
And we got the flow, now it’s up we go

‘Cause you released my pain, now let me take it
Just leave it at the door and we can make it
You don’t have to hide, I am by your side

Everybody else sees in black and white
You look at wrong and make it right
Can’t I open your eyes?

When you’re down, down low
Sinking in the undertow
When you’re down, down low
You know that I am here for you

‘Cause I know, know baby
All the hurt you never show
When you’re down, down low
You gotta let me heal your aching soul

‘Cause I know, know baby
All the hurt you never show
When you’re down, down low
You gotta let me heal your aching soul

When you’re down, down low
Sinking in the undertow
When you’re down, down low
You know that I am here for you

Concerts, School and Homophobia

Hello everyone!

You may or may not remember me from my two week absence. I’ve been unbelievably busy this month, with parties, concerts, musicals, drama and choir keeping me on my toes. This is the first time I’ve logged onto my laptop since January!

I finished my final march assessment yesterday and did my first French oral during the week, which was taking up a lot of my time. My French teacher’s phone went off three times during the exam, it probably didn’t sound very good on the recording and distracted me. Optimistically though, I don’t think my score is going to be horrendous. On the same note, I managed to get full marks in my Spanish speaking!

Last night, I went to see Clean Bandit. Damn, they were amazing, along with the support group Oh Volcano, a relatively new duo who stem from General Fiasco.

Today I had a surprise choir rehearsal after school, which is never good. After a double period of English, singing Every Time I Feel The Spirit makes me want to pull my vocal chords out. I do love Bring Him Home from Les Mis though.

I mentioned the Spanish exchange I’m taking part in, right? Well there’s an issue with one of the Spanish kids. He is homophobic. Meanwhile my friendship group call ourselves the Gay Parade. So when Berto said something along the lines of “Now I know why gay people have rights: because animals have rights”, we were not amused. Homophobia is actually something that I’ve never directly experienced, until now of course.

When we stood up to him he threatened to “hold a pocket knife to Andrea’s throat”. Oh God, I really don’t know what to do. Should I tell a teacher? Should I just ignore him? Should I remove him from the group chat? Hopefully he was just being saying it because he is behind a screen.

So busy, so tired. I need a rest.

Lucy.